Ibu : Abrar, tolong tutup pintunya ya?
Abrar : *tutup pintu*
Ibu : Terima kasih ya, Abrar anak pintar
atau ketika disuruh untuk membereskan mainan yang telah si anak pakai
Ibu : Abrar, mainannya diberesin lagi ya
Abrar : *membereskan mainannya"
Ibu : Hebat, anak ibu pintar
Hal2 seperti itu. atau memberikan hadiah kalau dia melakukan sesuatu yang baik seperti
Bulan puasa kemaren, Abrar Alhamdulillah selalu ikut ibunya ke mesjid untuk solat Isya + Taraweh. Meskipun solatnya sampai malam, tapi Abrar ga rewel. Gw memberikan reward berupa hadiah, mobil2an Hotwheel kesukaan dia atau uang untuk ditabung di celengannya.
Tapi, untuk punishment, atau ganjaran apabila melakukan sesuatu yang tidak sesuai, jelek atau tidak baik jarang gw lakuin. Namun hari ini, gw memberlakukan suatu punishment untuk anak2 gw (Abrar dan Rayya anak alm. adek gw). Berawal dari kelakuan anak2 piyik ini yang memainkan make-up gw. Semua lipstick, bedak, pelembab, eyeshadows, blush-on, de-el-el, dibuang2in. Gw ga tauk apa yang mereka lakukan pada alat make-up gw, sampai akhirnya bener2 abis. Lantai juga belepotan sama itu perlengkapan lenong gw. Itu kejadian pertama. Dan hari ini,kurang dari seminggu mereka lagi2 melakukan hal yang sama. Seprei gw juga kotor, alat make-up gw dipakai untuk coret2 seprei dan mainannya. Mereka sepertinya FUN banget, dan tidak takut untuk kasih tauk gw kalau mereka udah ngelakuin itu semua. Gw ngerasa,"Kok ini anak2 ga ada jeranya ya? Dan kok ga ngerasa bersalah. Mereka kayak seneng aja main dan ngerasa kalo apa yang mereka lakuin itu lucu.". Akhirnya gw ngerasa kayaknya perlu deh ada punishment, supaya ada efek jera. Dan mereka tauk, apa yang mereka lakukan itu hal yang buruk dan tidak boleh dilakukan. Punishmentnya yaitu :
untuk Abrar : Mainan mobil2annya sengaja gw umpetin, dan gw bilang kalau mainannya itu sudah gw buang *oke, gw bukan emak yang baik. Karena di sini ada faktor kebohongan*. Tapi gw mau bikin efek dramatis, kalau gw bilang mobilnya gw umpetin, dan dilarang main selama seminggu, kayaknya kurang "kena" di hati alias "kurang kejam" :p. Tapi gw sisa-in 1 mobil2an untuk Abrar. Dan gw juga ngomomong ke dia :
Ibu : Abrar, ibu udah buang ya semua mainan mobil2an Abrar. Soalnya Abrar ga mau dengerin ibu.
Abrar : *nangis*
Ibu : *cuek*
Abrar : *diem karena nangis dicuekin*
Ibu : *lanjut ngomong* Kalau dikasih tauk, makanya dengerin ibu. Udah ibu larang, Abrar masih ngelakuin sih. Jadi ibu buang deh mobil2an Abrar *pake nada nyebelin*
Abrar : Nanti beli lagi ya, Abrar mau mobil2an banyak *sambil kasi liat 10 jari2nya*
Ibu : Ga ada beli2 mobil lagi *emaktiri.mode-on*
Abrar : Abrar masih besar beli mobil Alphard 5 *maksudnya, nanti kalo Abrar sudah besar mau beli mobil Alphard 5* nyadar sendiri dia, kalo emaknya lagi pelit dan kejam
Ibu : Alhamdulillah, makanya Abrar harus pintar ya, biar bisa beli mobil Alphard
Abrar : *ngangguk2*
Ibu : Ya udah, nanti kalo Abrar pintar, ga bikin ibu marah lagi, mau ngedengerin kalo ibu ngomong, nanti ibu beliin mobil ya.
kenapa mainan mobil2an Abrar yang gw umpetin. Alasannya : Karena itu adalah mainan kesayangan anak gw. Jadi, kalau gw umpetin itu mainan, anak gw ngerasa banget kehilangan. Dan dia akan merasakan konsekuensi atas perbuatannya, karena dia harus kehilangan mainan kesayangannya. Dan mudah2an dia akan jera. Hm... make sense ga ya?
Untuk Rayya : karena Rayya itu anaknya almarhumah adek gw, jadi gw ga bisa kejam. Kasian anak Piatu. Jadi hukumannya tidak boleh main ke kamar gw selama seminggu
Ibu : Rayya ga bole ya main ke kamar ibu. Inget, ga bole main ke kamar ibu selama seminggu *Sambil jari telunjuk di depan dia*
Rayya : diem aja
Sebenernya apa sih punishment?
Mengapa anak perlu mendapatkan punishment?
Apakah punishment itu berguna untuk untuk kedua belah pihak (orang tua yang memberikan punishment dan si anak yang diberikan punishment)?
Dan apa saja punishment yang baik?
Berikut adalah definisi punishment hasil gw googling di internet :
Reward dan punishment merupakan dua bentuk metode dalam memotivasi seseorang untuk melakukan kebaikan dan meningkatkan prestasinya.punishment diartikan sebagai hukuman atau sanksi. Jika reward merupakan bentuk reinforcement yang positif; maka punishment sebagai bentuk reinforcement yang negatif, tetapi kalau diberikan secara tepat dan bijak bisa menjadi alat motivasi. Tujuan dari metode ini adalah menimbulkan rasa tidak senang pada seseorang supaya mereka jangan membuat sesuatu yang jahat. Jadi, hukuman yang dilakukan mesti bersifat pedagogies, yaitu untuk memperbaiki dan mendidik ke arah yang lebih baik.
Kapan punishment itu berguna untuk kedua belah pihak?
Berikut hasil googling gw lagi :D di www.perfectingparenthood.com
Punishment works when three things are true:
The Child Knows What To Do
You can’t teach something to a child through punishment, you can only stop a "bad" behaviour. If the child doesn’t know how to turn off the punishment, by changing something, then punishment will poison your relationship and the child’s well-being. Before you ever use a punishing strategy ensure that the child knows exactly how to avoid the punishment.
You Can Totally Control the Environment
Never, ever, demand that your child behave a certain way unless you can enforce it. If you don't think you can enforce it, then you will have to convince your child to behave using a different technology.
This is why we don't have a no swearing rule for our kids. We couldn't enforce it! Our kids could swear out of earshot, hear swears from elsewhere, or even occasionally hear swears from us. There is no way we can create a no-swearing environment for our kids.
You teach a child to lead two lives when you punish at home, but are unable to punish outside of the home. She'll be a honey-tongued angel at home but you may be surprised to hear one day that she curses like a drunken sailor at school. Children, just like adults, will learn to behave differently in different situations anyway, but I recommend you try to keep them as honest as possible by not punishing more than the world punishes.
The Punishment is a Consequence of the Behaviour
The most critical aspect; the very secret to success in punishment! For behaviour modification to stick, kids need connect what they did to the result they got. Beatings, groundings, time-outs, etc are not good punishments for this very reason: They are hard to connect as a consequence of behaviour.
Consider these two punishments for a situation when a child throws a tantrum because she wants to watch The Little Mermaid, while everyone else in the family has collectively decided to watch Toy Story.
1. The child gets bent over and spanked until she agrees to watch the movie.
2. The child gets told to leave because she is bothering everyone else.
n the first case, as the child pieces together what happened, she may decide that she got spanked because mommy is bigger and the bigger person gets to decide who gets beat and when. Rule: Piss off the big people around me and I get spanked. Corollary: If I’m the big person, I get to decide what happens, including violence against those who disagree.
In the second case she should get a different message. She should understand that she’s making a lot of commotion and noise so the people around her want her to leave. Rule: Try to ruin other people’s fun and they won’t want me around. Corollary: Add to people’s fun and they’ll like to hang around with me! Sounds like a nice person.
Sebenernya artikelnya lebih panjang, tapi gw udah edit2 dan gw tulis lagi yang gw rasa perlu ditulis. Dari artikel di atas, yang dapet gw simpulin :
1. Punishment akan berhasil dilakukan apabila, anak tauk apa yang seharusnya dia lakuin dan bagaimana caranya untuk tidak di-punish lagi.
2. Kita tidak bisa mengontrol lingkungan si anak. Mungkin di rumah anak kita anak yang baik, namun di luar rumah kita tidak pernah tahu. Bisa saja mereka berbohong menutupi apa yang mereka lakukan di sekolah. Jadi kita harus buat si anak untuk selalu jujur, dan jangan sampai punishment yang kita lakukan malah membuat si anak jadi berbohong.
3. Punishment adalah konsekuensi dari kelakuan yang dibuat. Punishment yang kita buat harus memberikan pelajaran, konsekuensi dari perilaku buruk yang telah dia buat.
Bagaimana cara untuk memberikan punishment yang baik untuk anak?
First of all, don't use punishment unless you are brave enough go through with it each and every time. No chances! It's not a punishment if there are chances. Also, remember the pre-requisite: The child must have the skills to avoid punishment.
Second, imagine what would happen to you if you did what grasshopper did. If nothing would happen to you then DON'T PUNISH THE CHILD. On the other hand, if something would happen to you then just let that same thing happen to the child. It's almost always wrong to make the punishment more severe than you would experience if you did the same.
* If the child spills something or leaves a mess then they should clean it up because you would have to clean it.
* If the child breaks something, they should try to fix it or, since they probably can't fix it, they should ask and help a parent fix it.
* If the child throws a tantrum after losing a game then they aren't allowed to play again until they apologize. Your own friends would stop playing with you if you were a poor loser.
* We have a rule that if someone helps or talks to our child then our child has to respond instead of just ignoring the other person. Our punishment for this is that the child has to find that person and make their rudeness right. If they can't or won't then they get something similar to a tantrum punishment because people don't like rude people.
* We have a very severe punishment if our kid lies to us. To me, lying is one of the most terrible character flaws there is. I explained to my child several times that lying makes him a totally useless person. Nobody can trust anything that comes out of a liars mouth. There is no point ever listening to liars, talking to liars, doing things with liars -- liars are a waste of time and space. He knows this and, the one or two times he lied, he really got shunned and he had to apologize profusely to get back. I'm hoping that this teaches him to hate liars as well because there can be big benefits to lying -- namely being able to get out of trouble and being able to get ahead by cheating others. Once a kid discovers that lying works they wil soon become masters, so treat them as you would be treated if everyone knew you were a chronological liar.
Gw simpulin lagi ya :)
Jadi pertama, harus konsisten dalam memberikan punishment.
Kedua, berikan punishment yang sesuai, yang dapat memberikan pelajaran pada si anak. Anak tahu konsekuensi dari apa yang mereka perbuat dan mereka juga akan berusaha untuk menghindari punishment yang serupa dengan tidak melakukan hal burut itu lagi.
Gw coba2 browsing2 lagi di google, ketemu website : www.kidshealth.org.Karena anak gw masih 3,5 tahun, jadi gw copy paste yang sesuai dengan umur anak gw aja ya :D
Ages 3 to 5
As your child grows and begins to understand the connection between actions and consequences, make sure you start communicating the rules of your family's home.
Explain to kids what you expect of them before you punish them for a certain behavior. For instance, the first time your 3-year-old uses crayons to decorate the living room wall, discuss why that's not allowed and what will happen if your child does it again (for instance, your child will have to help clean the wall and will not be able to use the crayons for the rest of the day). If the wall gets decorated again a few days later, issue a reminder that crayons are for paper only and then enforce the consequences.
The earlier that parents establish this kind of "I set the rules and you're expected to listen or accept the consequences" standard, the better for everyone. Although it's sometimes easier for parents to ignore occasional bad behavior or not follow through on some threatened punishment, this sets a bad precedent. Consistency is the key to effective discipline, and it's important for parents to decide (together, if you are not a single parent) what the rules are and then uphold them.
While you become clear on what behaviors will be punished, don't forget to reward good behaviors. Don't underestimate the positive effect that your praise can have — discipline is not just about punishment but also about recognizing good behavior. For example, saying "I'm proud of you for sharing your toys at playgroup" is usually more effective than punishing a child for the opposite behavior — not sharing. And be specific when doling out praise; don't just say, "Good job!"
If your child continues an unacceptable behavior no matter what you do, try making a chart with a box for each day of the week. Decide how many times your child can misbehave before a punishment kicks in or how long the proper behavior must be displayed before it is rewarded. Post the chart on the refrigerator and then track the good and unacceptable behaviors every day. This will give your child (and you) a concrete look at how it's going. Once this begins to work, praise your child for learning to control misbehavior and, especially, for overcoming any stubborn problem. Rewards and consequences should be given on a daily basis. Long-term consequences have little effect.
Timeouts also can work well for kids at this age. Establish a suitable timeout place that's free of distractions and will force your child to think about how he or she has behaved. Remember, getting sent to your room doesn't have an impact if a computer, TV, and video games are there.
Don't forget to consider the length of time that will best suit your child. Experts say 1 minute for each year of age is a good rule of thumb; others recommend using the timeout until the child is calmed down (to teach self-regulation).
It's important to tell kids what the right thing to do is, not just to say what the wrong thing is. For example, instead of saying "Don't jump on the couch," try "Please sit on the furniture and put your feet on the floor."
Ada bagian2 yang sengaja gw "bold". Lagi2, kita mendengar kata2, konsistensi dan konsekuensi muncul. Secara garis besar, artikel pertama dengan kedua ini, sama. Anak harus diberi tahu apa kesalahan mereka, dan bagaimana caranya supaya anak tahu apa yang harus dia lakukan dan cara dia untuk menghindari punishment. Contoh : anak mencoret2 dinding. Beri tahu pada anak, kalau coret2 dinding itu tidak baik, kalau hal tersebut terjadi lagi beri punishment, dengan menyuruh dia untuk membersihkan dinding bekas coretannya (sebenernya ini sama case dengan gw, di mana anak gw suka coret2 dinding. Gw sampe nge-cat 3x, sampai2 tukang catnya bilang,"Kan waktu itu baru dicet ya?".Sebelum di-cat ulang, anak gw disuruh ikut membersihkan dinding bekas coretannya). Selain itu di artikel ini, juga memberitahukan pentingnya rewards juga selain punishment. Orang tua perlu untuk memuji anak, apabila mereka melakukan hal2 yang benar atau baik. Selain itu perlu adanya 'timeout' untuk anak, yaitu jangka waktu tertentu di tempat yang tenang (tanpa gangguan), si anak disuruh untuk memikirkan apa yang telah dia perbuat. Selain itu kita perlu membuat chart untuk melihat apakah punishment yang kita berikan sudah efektif atau belum. Selain itu, kita harus memberi tahu anak, hal2 apa yang harus mereka lakukan daripada apa2 yang salah. Jadi, coba gunakan kata2 positif, seperti : "Duduk yang manis di atas tempat duduk dan letakan kakimu di lantai" daripada berkata : "Jangan lompat2an di atas tempat duduk".
Selain itu, punishment secara fisik, seperti memukul, mencubit, dan kekerasan fisik lainnya itu sangat sangat tidak efektif. Yang ada, anak malahan akan ikut melakukan hal2 tersebut, mereka akan ringan tangan seperti orang tuanya. Anak itu belajar dari orang tuanya. Perbuatan lebih kuat dari pada kata2, jadi orang tua harus menjadi tauladan untuk anak2nya dan memberikan contoh yang baik juga. Selain itu, marah2 juga kurang efektif. Apalagi kalau galaknya ga ketulungan, yang ada si anak jadi makin memberontak. Dan untuk menghindari kemarahan orang tua, mereka malahan berbohong.
Well, there's no school for being a good parents. We have to learn and learn agaian. Prepare tons of patience. Try to listen rather than be listened. Every children is unique and with different character. They have to be treated different way too.
Veilicious! The truth beauty is wrapped in a beautiful way...
reward dan punishment sebaiknya seimbang. Besar-kecilnya juga tergantung keadaan. Tp kadang sy suka mikir juga apa sy udah kasih porsi yg tepat?
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